The zombies are back—and they’re hungry.
AMC’s The Walking Dead season four premieres on Sunday, which means our insatiable appetite for blood, guts and gratuitous dismemberment will soon be fed. And, thanks to the new parody cookbook The Snacking Dead, which comes out Oct. 22, our actual appetites will be satisfied, too.
D. B. Walker, the mysterious author behind Fifty Shades of Chicken, includes all the recipes you need in case of an apocalyptic disaster—or, even better, a killer viewing party. Check out this exclusive sneak peak at some of the book’s recipes below—like the crazy “oozing” cheese calzones and “bloody” pigs in a blanket—and then take a stab at planning your menu.
Really just a Zombie by another name. The guy who invented that cocktail was a Prohibition-era bootlegger called Donn the Beachcomber, so you know it’s apocalypse-ready.
2 oz. añejo rum
1 oz. light rum
1 oz. dark rum
½ oz. lime juice
¼ oz. pomegranate juice
¼ oz. apricot brandy
¼ oz. 151-proof rum
1 or 2 dashes Angostura bitters
1 cherry, for garnish
1 pineapple spear, for garnish
1 mint sprig, for garnish
Combine all the liquid ingredients in a cocktail shaker filled with ice and shake. (Or, combine in a blender and blend on low speed, then add ½ cup of ice cubes and blend for 5 seconds on high.) Strain into a Tiki mug, Collins glass, or washed pickle jar. Add garnishes and serve with a swizzle.
Lil’ Ass-Kicker Punch
Makes 26 cups
This is a southern concoction that kind of sneaks up before it whoops you. Strong and sweet. Not too sweet, though, Sunshine. (Adapted from Punch by David Wondrich.)
1½ quarts sweet tea (DIY, or any store-looted brand—but not a fruit-flavored variety)
1½ quarts lightly sweetened lemonade
1½ liters seltzer
1 liter whiskey
¾ liter white rum
3 lemons, sliced (optional)
Grated nutmeg (optional)
Stir together all the liquid ingredients in a bucket filled with ice. Garnish with sliced lemons and grated nutmeg, if you can find ’em. Guaranteed to create a swarm—in a good way.
Oozing Three-Cheese Calzone
A long-handled metal pizza peel is an ideal weapon against the living dead. The aluminum blade can be sharpened on three sides. A strong forward thrust will decapitate at a safe distance from the wielder. Be sure to rinse well with bleach before using again with pizza.
Extra-virgin olive oil, as needed
¾ cup fresh ricotta
¼ cup Parmesan cheese, grated
2 tbsp. chopped basil
¼ tsp. freshly ground black pepper
1 (8-oz.) ball pizza dough
⅓ cup tomato sauce
2 oz. fresh mozzarella, grated (½ cup)
1. Preheat the oven to 500°F. Line a rimmed baking sheet with foil and lightly oil.
2. In a bowl, stir together ricotta, Parmesan, basil, and pepper.
3. Lightly flour the dough and pull or roll it to a 12-inch round. Spread ricotta mixture on half the dough, leaving a half-inch border all around. Brush edges of dough with water and fold dough over filling; pinch to seal.
4. Transfer the calzone to the prepared baking sheet. Brush the top of the dough with olive oil. Spoon tomato sauce over the calzone and sprinkle with mozzarella.
5. Transfer pan to the oven and bake until crust is firm and cheese is golden, about 15 minutes. Let cool 5 minutes before serving.
Unsuspecting Pigs in Blankets
These classic tidbits need not be boring or staid—a bright splatter of ketchup can make an eye-opening presentation.
6 hot dogs
All-purpose flour, for dusting
1 sheet frozen puff pastry, thawed (about 8 oz.)
1 large egg
1 tbsp. water
2 tbsp. poppy seeds (optional)
2 tbsp. bread and butter pickles, finely chopped
2 tbsp. dill pickles, finely chopped
Mustard, for serving
Ketchup, for serving
1. Poke hot dogs several times with the tip of a knife.
2. On a lightly floured work surface, roll the puff pastry into a 15-by-11- inch rectangle. Cut lengthwise into three 5-inch-wide strips. Cut each strip in half crosswise so you have 6 pieces of puff.
3. In a small bowl, beat together the egg and water. Line baking sheets with parchment paper or a nonstick baking mat. Place a hot dog on the narrow end of one piece of pastry. Roll to enclose, brushing with some of the beaten egg to adhere; transfer to prepared baking sheet. Repeat the process with remaining hot dogs and pastry. Brush the tops of puff pastry with the egg wash and sprinkle with poppy seeds if using. Transfer to refrigerator and let chill for 15 minutes.
4. Preheat oven to 450°F. Bake the hot dogs until the pastry is puffed and golden, about 20 minutes.
5. In a small bowl combine the bread and butter pickles and the dill pickles. Carefully split the puff pastry along one side of each of the pigs in blankets and top with the pickle relish. Serve with mustard and ketchup.
Very-Last-Call Bar Nuts
Makes 2 cups
Keep some salty proteins around for when you need to drown your sorrows to help absorb the alcohol. The last thing you need in an apocalypse is a hangover.
2 cups raw mixed nuts (such as cashews, pecans, and almonds)
3 tbsp. sesame seeds
1 tbsp. unsalted butter
3 tbsp. honey
2 tbsp. light brown sugar
½ tsp. ground cinnamon
½ tsp. coarse kosher salt
¼ tsp. cayenne pepper
¼ tsp. paprika
1. Preheat oven to 300°F. Line a baking sheet with a nonstick mat or parchment paper. Place the nuts in a single layer on the baking sheet and roast, stirring halfway through, until golden brown, about 10 minutes. On a separate baking sheet, spread out the sesame seeds and toast until lightly golden and fragrant, about 8 minutes.
2. In a small saucepan set over medium heat, combine the butter, honey, brown sugar, cinnamon, salt, cayenne, and paprika. Heat, stirring until the butter melts and the sugar and salt dissolve.
3. Remove the toasted nuts from the oven and transfer to a large mixing bowl. Pour the honey mixture over the nuts and quickly stir to coat. Add the sesame seeds, stir to incorporate, and return the mixture to the baking sheet in a single layer. Bake for 15 minutes, stirring frequently, until the nuts are golden and fragrant but not dark brown. Remove the pan from the oven and set aside to cool completely. Break up the mixture to serve.
Cold-Blooded Ice Cream Bread Sandwiches
When the power grid is down, mobile engine-powered refrigeration will keep vital food fresh—for as long as you can find diesel to siphon.
1 pint premium ice cream, in any flavor you like, softened
1½ cups self-rising flour (or use 1½ cups all-purpose flour mixed with 2 tsp. baking powder and ½ teaspoon salt)
1 pint premium ice cream, in any flavor complementary to your first flavor (vanilla goes with everything), slightly softened
1. Preheat the oven to 350°F. Grease an 8- or 9-inch loaf pan and line with parchment paper. Grease the parchment paper.
2. In a large bowl, whisk the softened ice cream until smooth. Stir in the flour until just combined. Pour the mixture into the prepared loaf pan and bake for 40 to 45 minutes, or until an inserted toothpick comes out clean. Let pan cool on a wire rack for 10 to 15 minutes, unmold the loaf from the pan, and then let cool completely on the rack.
3. Slice the bread into ½-inch pieces and make sandwiches with the remaining ice cream. Freeze for at least 20 minutes before serving.