Jon Stewart Rants Against ‘Giant, Fluffy, Overdone’ Kaiser Rolls on Breakfast Sandwiches
While Stewart normally saves his rants for politicians and media outlets, on Wednesday’s episode of The Daily Show Podcast, he opened up publicly about his burning disdain for the “gigantic, fluffy, overdone” rolls — and why he fought to make sure no one in his office would ever be subject to them.
Here’s how it all began: Every Wednesday, The Daily Show team would treat themselves to “all sorts” of egg sandwiches (seriously, all sorts: “I think there’s egg and cheese; egg, sausage, and cheese; egg, bacon, and cheese; egg white.”) But there was something that always nagged at Stewart: the issue of the kaiser roll.
“But what always bothered me about it — and I was never able to articulate it — was the ratio between bread and egg of these sandwiches. They were on kaiser rolls. And not metastasized kaiser rolls. Gigantic, fluffy, overdone kaiser rolls,” he said. “And I could tell that there was a sadness; there was a deep, pervasive hurt in the room. And I made the decision on one Wednesday morning, an executive decision … I decided that we would no longer get the egg sandwiches on the kaiser roll.”
Stewart decided to look into the matter, asking the show’s executive producer whether they could switch to another bread product. After several phone calls, the switch was officially made to English muffins, which Stewart felt were better suited to the proportions of an egg sandwich.
But if you thought he was done ranting about kaiser rolls once the matter was resolved, you were so, so wrong.
“The ratio is just wrong! There’s too much bread-to-egg in a kaiser roll. This is not in any way an indictment of the kaiser roll or of the German people, who I believe created it in 1911 … It used to have a spiky top and when you bite it, it would sometimes pierce through your palate into your brain. But you have to admit, the change to the English muffin was a positive change.”
So, are you Team Kaiser Roll or Team English Muffin? Or, even crazier, Team Bagel? And, while we’re at it, bacon or sausage? Ketchup, hot sauce, both, or none? Vent amongst yourselves in the comments.
—Maria Yagoda, @MariaYagoda