EXCLUSIVE: Get a First Look at Goop’s Holiday Gift Guide—The Good, the Fad and the ‘Ridiculous’

11/12/2015 at 02:00 PM ET

Goop
Goop

The holiday season is here, bringing with it yummy lattés, peppermint-flavored foods and cheer… oh, and the stress of buying gifts for people in your life.

Goop, Gwyneth Paltrow‘s lifestyle website, is here to help.

PEOPLE got an exclusive sneak peek of Goop’s holiday gift guide—and it’s, well, just as Goop-y as you might imagine. (Um, $820 incense set, anyone? Seriously. That is a real, actual thing.)

RELATED: Get a First Look at Oprah’s Favorite Things for Holidays 2015

We perused the lists, which features gifts for kids, travel-lovers, cooks and more, and found the items we would actually love to buy — and be able to afford without having to put aside a little bit of our paycheck every day for years. Sorry, $1,995 knit sweater and $140 potpouri. You’re not quite in our budget.

Goop
Courtesy Goop

Turns out, Paltrow is well aware that some of Goop’s gift suggestions are, well, impractical.

“This year we actually have a number of gift guides, but one of them is just called ‘Ridiculous,'” Paltrow said in an interview with Couric on Tuesday. “I think there’s a trip to space on there, and a hot air balloon or something. I think the most ridiculous thing is there’s a website that’s selling solid-gold dumbbells.” (We’re glad Paltrow is on the joke, but we will never, ever be able to get over $820 incense.)

RELATED: See the Gorgeous Decor and Food at Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop Dinner Soiree

Oh, and if anyone was looking for definitive proof that Paltrow knows how to poke fun at herself: “Consciously Uncoupled” key tags ($15) made the list.

Here are the items on the list we would love to buy:

1. Bergamot & Grapefruit Soap ($12, The Greater Goods)
The earthiness of Bergamot with the bright citrus pop of grapefruit makes for a heavenly combination.

Screen Shot 2015-11-12 at 12.41.29 PM

2. Bar Tartine Cookbook ($16)
We know the expression “gift that keeps on giving is overused,” but cookbooks perfectly fit that cliché. People treasure a good cookbook for life — and Bar Tartine is a stunning one, with recipes from Central Europe, Scandinavia and Japan.

Goop
Courtesy Goop

3. Bow and Drape Personalized Sriracha ($9, Bow and Drape)
For the Sriracha obsessed person in your life, even if it’s you.

Goop
Courtesy Goop

4. Royal VKB French Carafe + Stacking Glasses ($36, A+R)
We can’t imagine how fancy we would feel drinking out of this every day. Water, Scotch, Diet Coke, whatever.

Screen Shot 2015-11-12 at 12.42.19 PM

5. Dewars 12-Year Blended Scotch Whisky ($32, Reserve Bar)
“A great bottle of Scotch Whisky = eternal crowd-pleaser.” Yes, Goop. Yes.

Screen Shot 2015-11-12 at 12.43.07 PM

6. Critical Hit 5 Stones of Frost ($19.99, Think Geek)
Water ice cubes dilute booze, which is why frozen Whisky rocks are the way to go. (Plus, they look super cool.)

Screen Shot 2015-11-12 at 12.43.50 PM

7. Macaron Making Kit ($24, Dana’s Bakery)
The kit, which demystifies the storied French cookie, allows you to impress all your friends with homemade macarons in chocolate molten, red velvet and fruity cereal flavors.

RELATED: Gwyneth Paltrow Reveals Her 13 Favorite N.Y.C. Restaurants

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8.  Anthropology Handmade Marble Gift Wrap ($14, Anthropologie)
We love a gift-wrap that makes even the grungiest of gifts look effortlessly elegant.

Goop
Courtesy Goop

9. Luggage Tag in Galapogas Rose ($28, Stephanie Johnson)
A splurge, yes. But it’s just too pretty.

Screen Shot 2015-11-12 at 12.46.51 PM

RELATED: 8 Things We’d Buy From Reese Witherspoon’s Draper James Site

—Maria Yagoda, @mariayagoda

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The Latest Craze in Disco Styles Is See-Through Jeans—but Beware of Foggy Bottoms

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The Latest Craze in Disco Styles Is See-Through Jeans—but Beware of Foggy Bottoms

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On a clear day, you can see forever—or at least that’s the wicked thought behind L.A. designer Agi Berliner’s transparent idea: see-through jeans. Exhibitionists notwithstanding, most folks wear them over bathing suits or as attention-getting evening wear with halters, garter belts and body stockings. Created for the disco crowd, the $34 jeans are selling like, well, hot pants. In just six weeks, 25,000 pairs have already been sold in such major department store chains as Macy’s, Bonwit’s and Saks.

“What’s limiting American designers is that we’re afraid to do something different,” says Berliner, 32, a Hungarian émigré who fled with her family to the U.S. in 1956. Agi thought up the gimmick in London while marveling at the way plastics were being employed by designers of punk fashion. In her L.A. office, where she designs for La Parisienne junior sportswear, Agi spent five days on the phone and six weeks testing to come up with the right plastic.

Agi herself tried out the French-cut jeans with the zipper in front, and quickly found several problems: Some plastics tore away from stitching, others wouldn’t bend and all fogged with perspiration. The ideal material proved to be a vinyl supplied by a bookbinder. The steam was eliminated with a series of vents behind the knees and in the crotch. “They’re no hotter than polyester pants,” claims Agi, “and if you wear them with tights, they won’t stick to your legs.”

Whatever the discomfort and despite the problem of Saturday night feverishness, discomaniacs report one major advantage of the plastic pants: no laundry bills. To keep Berliner’s see-through jeans clear, all the wearer needs is a little Windex.

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The older I get, the more I don’t believe in Christmas gift giving. It’s so hollow and superficial. Frankly, I would rather donate the money I’d spend on other people to a worthy local charity.

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