Alton Brown and Umami Burger Debut the Most Epic Breakfast Burger Ever (and We Tried It)

03/15/2016 at 02:39 PM ET

Alton Brown Umami Burger
Courtesy Umami Burger

Alton Brown is known for his mad scientist-like approach to food, so it’s no wonder he can make a burger with flavors so harmonious, it satisfies both the mind and the stomach.

Teaming up with the restaurant chain Umami Burger as part of its Artists Series (previous participants have included Mindy Kaling and Andy Samberg), the celebrity chef created the “Alton Burger,” which combines all of the best elements of his favorite meal of the day: breakfast.

RELATED: Mindy Kaling and Umami Burger Team Up to Make ‘The Mindy Burger’

The burger is made up of eight distinct elements: a toasted bun, beef patty with bacon lardons mixed in, smashed cheesy tots, cheddar cheese, miso-maple bacon strips, homemade coffee-flavored ketchup, a sunny side up egg, and fried sage for garnish.

What does all of that add up to? A flavor bomb of insane proportions.

We here at PEOPLE are lucky enough to have an Umami Burger inside our office building, so naturally we couldn’t not go eat it immediately. Brown is best equipped to explain the science behind what “umami” exactly is (he breaks it down in the video above), but one bite of this is a better lesson than any words can describe.

RELATED: Alton Brown’s Garlic Chopping Hack Is Seriously Genius

First off, not to seem shallow, but aesthetically speaking it’s about a 10. And while a burger that contains bacon two ways, cheese and cheesy tots is exactly as nap-inducing as it sounds, it’s more than just decadent — it’s complex.

The smashed tots act almost like a second patty of fried hash browns, the maple glaze on the bacon gives the slightest nod to fresh flapjacks, and the coffee-flavored ketchup — while admittedly a little strange on its own — is a brilliant complement to the beef, and really rounds out the breakfast theme.

You can get your hands on one at any Umami Burger location until April 24 (and each sale donates $1 to the Make-a-Wish Foundation) — just be sure to pencil in some couch time afterwards.

Shay Spence, @chezspence

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The Latest Craze in Disco Styles Is See-Through Jeans—but Beware of Foggy Bottoms
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The Latest Craze in Disco Styles Is See-Through Jeans—but Beware of Foggy Bottoms

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On a clear day, you can see forever—or at least that’s the wicked thought behind L.A. designer Agi Berliner’s transparent idea: see-through jeans. Exhibitionists notwithstanding, most folks wear them over bathing suits or as attention-getting evening wear with halters, garter belts and body stockings. Created for the disco crowd, the $34 jeans are selling like, well, hot pants. In just six weeks, 25,000 pairs have already been sold in such major department store chains as Macy’s, Bonwit’s and Saks.

“What’s limiting American designers is that we’re afraid to do something different,” says Berliner, 32, a Hungarian émigré who fled with her family to the U.S. in 1956. Agi thought up the gimmick in London while marveling at the way plastics were being employed by designers of punk fashion. In her L.A. office, where she designs for La Parisienne junior sportswear, Agi spent five days on the phone and six weeks testing to come up with the right plastic.

Agi herself tried out the French-cut jeans with the zipper in front, and quickly found several problems: Some plastics tore away from stitching, others wouldn’t bend and all fogged with perspiration. The ideal material proved to be a vinyl supplied by a bookbinder. The steam was eliminated with a series of vents behind the knees and in the crotch. “They’re no hotter than polyester pants,” claims Agi, “and if you wear them with tights, they won’t stick to your legs.”

Whatever the discomfort and despite the problem of Saturday night feverishness, discomaniacs report one major advantage of the plastic pants: no laundry bills. To keep Berliner’s see-through jeans clear, all the wearer needs is a little Windex.

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